5/15/2015 0 Comments The other side of GriefProverbs tells us that laughter is some of the best medicine. While walking through this season of weakness, we've found strength in some of the most inopportune times, as we find ourselves laughing. I thought I would share this side of grief with you, in hopes that it helps heal both yours and my soul some, but also to allow the lighter, more joyful moments a chance to shine above despair. Often in grief, people are so busy mourning, they forget to laugh and notice the small things, and it's something we never want to be guilty of. If sadness is normal, joy is medicinal.
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5/14/2015 7 Comments All Tucked InIt's been a little over nine hours since Esther Jubilee went to be with Jesus. I've officially lived longer now without her here than with her. My heart breaks as a mom who is missing a fresh baby. My body hurts from the hours of labor and delivery, and hurts more still because there isn't much to show for it now. But my soul is searching for simple truths and basic answers I've known all along, in elementary explanations, to explain to two little girls who don't understand. And somewhere in the explaining, it's probably for me just as much as it is for them. McKenna is a leader and a natural born nurturer. She keeps telling me she wishes Esther could have lived with us longer. She tells us she wanted to bring her new baby home. She cries because she misses a little girl she only knew for a few minutes, but loved through prayer for weeks on end. Teaghan is unsure of how to feel at times. She doesn't know what she's feeling or how to process. But she sees McKenna so freely sharing her heart, and it must bear witness with her own, because she quickly follows suit and comes up with her own questions to grapple this hard and heart-shattering reality. Tonight I had to muster up the strength to tell them a simple truth, that I myself needed to hear. And maybe like me, you're sitting somewhere, facing circumstances that seem impossible, and ever so grim, and need the same simplicity. As we tucked the girls into their beds for the night at home, without our new baby here, McKenna began to cry. I attempted to pray for her, and found myself joining in with her tears. As a bereaved parent, one of the most therapeutic remedies is loving another child. I don't care if it's your own, or someone else's. But it's part of the Kingdom. The minute you show love and compassion for the sake of a child, your breaking heart begins to mend. Not in a way that remedies any pain or loss, but in a way that says, "I can keep going." I walked away after quivering out a few measly words of comfort. Thinking I had done my best for the first night of many, and excused myself from anything further. Immediately the Holy Spirit reminded me of His gentleness, as He showed me there in the living room His nature once more. And I remembered a great way of explaining His comforting character to these small, frail girls. I walked back into their room, and sat McKenna up in bed. And with tears in my eyes, I told her that she needed to listen very closely..... "McKenna, when Jesus died on the cross, and rose up again from the grave, and went back up to heaven in the clouds, He sent us a new friend. A friend that stays with us always. It's His Holy Spirit. The bible tells us that the Holy Spirit is the great comforter." The tears started to flow, as a pushed through, knowing all-too-well the feelings I was about to describe to her. "When you feel sad, or you feel lonely, or you feel upset or alone or scared or miss your sister, you can ask the Holy Spirit to be your great comforter." Pause- As parents we tend to leave our kids with big huge word pictures like this. But that wouldn't have done much for Mckenna's breaking spirit. "McKenna, see your big huge comforter here on your bed? See how you can wipe your tears on it? See how it's soft and warm and fluffy, and it makes you feel safe and cuddly and holds you in your bed nice and tight? The Holy Spirit will come when you ask Him, and He will wrap you up like this great big comforter. He will cover you with softness and gentleness. He will help dry your sad tears. He will keep you safe, and held tight in His big fluffy, cuddly arms when you feel sad and afraid and alone." The words came out faster, like healing salve that could penetrate the wounds of a tired and lonely momma's heart.... "Sometimes mommy even gets sad and lonely. Sometimes my heart hurts and I miss your sister too. Sometimes I am afraid and scared and hurting too. And I ask God to send His Holy Spirit to wrap me up like a great comforter, and hold me tight. And He does. The bible says "Do not be afraid, for I am with you." And He is with you right now." I don't know if you're facing loss, or death, or rejection, or pain, or fear, or trauma, or shame. What I can tell you is that through the course of my 27 years, I've had a crash course in all of the above. And each and every time, God has revealed Himself in a new way to me- just for me. He's revealing His Holy Spirit as the Great Comforter on an entirely new level today and in the days to come. But I can tell you, that the same comforter that held me on the ultrasound table that fateful day in January, holds me now. The same comforter than held me as I heard the rejecting and scornful words of the MFM specialist weeks after, holds me now. The same comforter to give me peace as a new OB told me a C-Section was imminent, and my baby was breech, holds me now. The same comforter that walked me through hospital doors to a place unknown and terrifying, where fear and anxiety seemed to rule, holds me now. The same comforter that gave me strength to push through the most painful delivery of my life, with four nurses pushing on my stomach and bruising my insides, while Esther presented herself face first, strengthens me now. And the same gentle, quiet, soft, warm, peaceful comforter that wrapped me tight as I watched my last baby girl be wrapped up, and rolled out of the hospital room, and away from us always, holds me now. Friend, if you're reading this, take comfort. The God of ALL comfort can hold you now. His arms are always long enough to reach. His grasp always tight enough to save. His gentleness always soft enough to redeem the most broken places. Take comfort. Do not be afraid. He is with you. And He's with me. And Esther Jubilee has seen this same comfort in all of its magnificent ways all at once, while you and I must experience them one at a time, because our mortal bodies cannot handle such immense comfort all at once. Shout with joy, you heavens, and rock with glee, you earth! Break out in song, you mountains! The LORD is comforting His people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. Isaiah 49:13 5/14/2015 11 Comments The value of beautyI watched an episode of Jimmy Kimmel a few nights ago, featuring America's "doll face" Kim Kardashian. She's pretty, sure. But she sat with Kimmel promoting her new book, a collection of selfies, with less than modest photos of herself in the over-300 paged book. I sat and watched her uncomfortably fiddle with her risqué clothing, hoping not to expose "too much" for national TV, and then tell the audience and viewers (after being promoted by Jimmy) the correct way and most productive way to glamorize and posterize one's self. She went on about how they showcase her ginormous features, including her rear end, and everywhere else. I almost cried for her. Because she doesn't know what beautiful really is. She's believed a lie that says, the bigger the better, the thinner the prettier, the more revealing the sexier. I'm sitting in a hospital bed, watching my Anencephalic daughter get a bath. She isn't what the world would call beautiful. But she is. Her head has a small opening, but for the majority is covered by her own skin and hair. Which is a miracle itself. She was born alive! And she's still breathing and whimpering and churning about like a new baby should. Her face is nearly purple, though not from her condition. She was born face presenting first, which is not only excruciating for the mom in labor, but also on her poor sweet face. And sweet it is. Her lips are like Paco's, big and full. Her eyes remind me of Teaghan when she was first born. Full of wrinkles and extra skin like a puppy. Her hands are chubby and grasp my finger letting me know she's still here. She is six pounds and six ounces, Eighteen and a half inches of pure bliss. Esther Jubilee is already a medical wonder. Born alive, continuing to live longer than 2 hours after birth, turned from breech to head down in just three days. As sad as it may be for some, it's a jubilation, knowing God has brought us this far. I watched family members cry and tear upon seeing her for the first time, knowing the inevitable, but felt such a release of the burden I've been carrying for so long. He trades my heaviness for His yoke. Though I'm still carrying a cross all my own, He makes the way straight and bearable in the most unbearable times. Esther Jubilee was born at 1:34am, and is still going strong here at Gulf Coast Hospital. If you'd like to meet her, visitors are welcome between 1 and 3pm today. Come see us, come see her, and be inspired to live by faith. Her every moment is a treasured gift, and it will pass all too soon. I'll post a more detailed story of her "birth" at a later time. But for now, we are celebrating her life, full and beautiful, in the truest sense. Not the king of beauty that fades with flashy clothes, or fancy jewelry. Not the beauty and worth of celebrity status or materialistic fame. The kind that's of real worth because it has to do with her soul. Move over Kim Kardashian, Esther Jubilee is here! 5/10/2015 0 Comments She is best.This year, I have a whole new outlook and approach to Mother's Day. I could write to you about the joys of being a mom. Because certainly, there are joys. I could write to you about the trying moments. Because with four and a half kids under 5 years old, the trying times can most days, outweigh those joys mentioned. I could write about the moment I became a mother, or the moment I first realized my mom was right all along. And those would all suffice. But I want to remind myself, and you, about the divine selection process involved in each of our unique circumstances, and encourage you, because that's best. We've instilled various "reminder" phrases into our kids, reminding them of character traits to possess. We will tell them "your sister is your best friend!" Amidst a sibling argument, to remind them of the importance of their family unit, and to encourage them to love each other. We will say "Rules are to keep you safe" each time one is broken, and ends in a scrape, bump, or bruise- be it on the knees or the heart. The simple phrase gives them a nugget of wisdom for their little character "bank", that says, one day, "rules will protect me- from the law, from emotional and physical harm, from sin". The other night at dinner, I sat furious with "mom" problems. The house was a disaster after 3 days of me having been sick and on the couch. (Ps- my first question to God might be- why moms ever are allowed viruses or sickness. It shouldn't be allowed.) dinner was something store-bought, the kids were whining, Paco and I disagreeing on something (I honestly can't remember what now or I would write it here), and my stress level was soaring high. In case you weren't aware- I'm literally on the clock as we countdown the days to my birthday, and Esther Jubilee's birthday, which could end in major surgery and possible death because of her diagnosis. So the last few days have only added to the intensity of any given situation. I sat, and shoveled less-than-par food into my mouth angrily, as if the dinner had committed the offense, and the fork stabbing would help correct it. McKenna started whining about what she had been given to drink, and I nearly lost it and screamed at her. Instead, I sat quietly and allowed my rage to boil inside. My face was probably blistering from the heat of fury. After Paco answered her about why she's "only five" and doesn't get to "pick her drink" all the time, she muttered back something about how "other moms" let their kids choose their own drink. All jokes aside, the poor girl almost got smacked in the mouth. My inner tantrum, combined with her talking back was creating an involuntary response in my right arm to swing across the table. Lucky for her, she was at the farthest possible seat away from me, and I would've only spilled all six plates of food and cups with liquid, to be cleaned up by yours-truly later. So I resisted. Teaghan turned to McKenna, and calmly began to tell her what I should've said as my response. It's the same thing we tell them all, amidst confusion as to why we make decisions differently than other parents or friends and their houses. "McKenna, God picked mommy to be our mommy. And Daddy to be our daddy. Because God knows best. And God picked Mommy because she's the best mommy for me. And she's the best mommy for you. And she's the best mommy for Wesley. And Mommy is the best mommy for Adalynn. And she's the best mommy for Esther." She turned to me and with her big hazel-green eyes and long lashes against sweet brown skin, and said "right mommy? You're the best one for us, so God picked you, right?!?" She beamed with pride because she knew she was right, and she wasn't in trouble at that moment to question whether the validity of the statement was in her favor or not. I started to cry. The stress of the day. The worries of the days to come. The anger inside me. It all washed up on the shore of my eyes, and poured out over the edge as tears running hard and fast down my face. As I smiled, and stared at my sweet four year old, who'd reminded my weak and failing heart of God's truth in that moment, and I said "Yes, Teaghan. You're absolutely right." I don't know if your mom is even here on this earth to still celebrate. I don't know if you've lost a child, or children, and the world can't understand your take on the holiday. I don't know if Mother's Day hurts for you, because your mom walked out, or abused you, or lied and cheated her way through your life. I don't know if Mother's Day reminds you of how your child abandoned all you invested in them, and now you're painfully watching them make mistake after another, as they buck and rebel against the truth you've shown them. I don't know if you're surrounded by a "preschool" of your own kids, or grandkids, or step kids, and think "this is crazy, and waaaaaay too hard!" I don't know if you're snuggling a sweet new baby, and all is right with the world because they just eat and sleep and poo, and when nestled on your chest, you both swoon with delight. I don't know if you're rushing around today to grab last minute gifts or cards, because maybe you forgot or didn't have time to "buy" something for the mom in your life, and now you're seeing your FB feed, and panicking. But what I do know, is that God knows best. He gave you the most perfect mom for you. You were the best choice for her. And whether you can understand why, or see all the how's, or you're grappling with the understanding, I want to assure you, that He had your best in mind. Sometimes I wonder why God gave us so many in such a short time. But He knew best. Sometimes I wonder why I've had more kids than anniversaries. But He knew best. Sometimes I wonder why He picked me to raise three and half girls. Cause that's a LOT of girls. But He knows best. I wonder, quite a lot, in this moment, why on earth He picked me to carry a daughter with a diagnosis of death, and why He chose me to be her mom. Why He picked me to endure this battle, and why He ever saw me fit enough or "faith" enough to handle her. She has way more potential and way more purpose than I can begin to know how to steward. But. He. Knows. Best. To my mom, who birthed me, and raised me to know Jesus- I'm forever grateful. You've given me a rich knowledge of the Truth that sustains me today, and every day. Because of your pouring out, I'm able to keep going, in the hardest and most draining season of my life. You've become my best friend, because you never allowed my preferences to dominate your parenting as I was under your authority. And you've modeled wisdom in practical ways all my life long. To my grandmothers, thank you for showing me compassion, grace, poise. Thank you for passing down recipes, and prayers. Thank you for giving me rich family history, and Godly inspiration for a life lived long, and full. And for all the #tbt photos I'll ever post. To my mother-in-law, thank you for raising my husband. For showing him the things you know best, to equip him to serve our family today. Without your care and your wisdom, He wouldn't be the man he is, the husband or father he is. Thank you for making sacrifices for him, to show him how to make sacrifices for us. To every spiritual mother I've had over the years, from Pastors, youth pastors, older women in the faith: thank you. You gave me skills and wisdom that I still use today. You gave me a fresh perspective, or the vision needed, when my mom just wouldn't do. You have prayed for, prayed with, and prayed about me - probably more than I can remember- but the times I do remember, are sweet, inspiring, encouraging- and they also have shaped me into who I am today. Your voices continue to ring out, loud, behind temptation in its many forms, about who I am in Christ and what God's word says. So thank you. Thank you, to each and every one of you, who've been "mother" to me at some time. You were the best. And to all the moms, both known by me, or not- thank you for being the best you- because you were hand-picked by God to be a mother. I can't explain why, or how, but I know who He is, and He knows best. Maybe you're long passed the years when your children would do such a thing, or maybe you're in the throes of toddlers and can't yet see it ever happening, but the Bible says one day, that our children will rise, and call us as moms, blessed. And whether they're doing it now, or will do it, or have done it- they will. So be your best mom-self today. Because you are His best, for them. Happy mamma's day!!!! 5/5/2015 4 Comments Bad days & Good daysThere have been about as many "bad days" as There have been "I don't want to"'s in this pregnancy. I don't want to be pregnant. I don't want another baby right now. I don't want to labor and deliver so close to the last one. I don't want to be pregnant and sick. I don't want to throw up. I don't want to throw up again. I don't want to go to the hospital to have this baby. I don't want to have to have blood work again. I don't want another glucose test. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to deal with a diagnosis that has a terminal outlook. I don't want to be induced. I don't want to go into preterm labor. I don't want to terminate this pregnancy. I don't want to go past 40 weeks. I don't want to have to say goodbye. I don't want to have my baby die in my arms, or worse before she is placed there. Today I found myself nearly kicking and screaming about more decisions and more outcomes as this pregnancy progresses. A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. And I can honestly say, through it all, I just don't want to be afraid. If you had asked me a few years ago, a few weeks ago, tonight- what my greatest fears were/are, I would tell you Needles, roller-coasters, hospitals, dead things and snakes. In the last 4 months, I've encountered them all. And I may have to encounter them all again. A few months back, as is the norm in SW Florida, an evening rain flooded the roads. Inches of water outside ran like miniature rivers carrying leaves, mulch, and debri to the nearest storm drain. That night, I drove the kids into the garage to not have us all soaking wet. I unloaded adalynn in her infant seat, and unbuckled Wesley. They were both safely inside as I went back to help McKenna and teaghan exit safely from the car that was dripping, the garage door closed behind us now. And as I walked back around the car, between me and the door, a black snake laid. I froze. Immediately backed up and told the girls to exit a different door of the car, and we bolted into the house. I closed the door to the garage, but the slim space between the flooring and door edge seemed to grow wider as I stared it down. "Surely, it will only be moments before its trying to come in the house." My brain rationalized. Within moments, I had entered a full blown panic, and called every trustworthy make within a 100-mile radius of my house to quickly come take care of the intruder. I rolled up and shoved a towel at the base of the door, as if the killer-attacking snake would care, and backed away again. Gripped by fear, tears rolled, my breathing became shallow, and the most horrendous thoughts (to most unreasonable or impossible) made perfect and logical sense to me. Paco was able to leave work for a moment, and help with the uninvited guest. He swept it out easily with a broom, and we haven't seen the punk snake since. That was a terrible day. Absurd? Yes. But reality? It was mine. I was freaking out, terrified, and rattled to the core, by a snake that was probably more scared of me than I was of it. I'm not saying we can't have dislikes in this world. There are plenty. And I'm not suggesting that in order to "rid ourselves of fear" we should all bring pet snakes home and embrace co-living. Far from it. But I remember my brother saying to me, after the ordeal was done and over, "Bri you need to deal with that fear, it's out of control, or it will control you." I'm sitting here now, in my living room, while Paco and my parents watch a movie. I can't even focus. It's been another horrible and no good day. Today at what will be nearly my last appointment for Esther Jubilee's pregnancy, I was given the most terrifying news- second to "you'll be birthing a snake"! They scanned me with an ultra sound machine, briefly, and told me they were certain her head is tucked up near my rib cage. The good news is, they couldn't see much else. The doctor performing the scan, had no idea she was even diagnosed with Anencephaly- because she was tucked so far into my ribs. He said "wow! Well, I can't confirm the diagnosis like this, but I had no idea!" We couldn't get a clear shot to see if the miracle of forming a new skull had taken place, or not. But the doctor showed incredible signs of hope, when for the last four or so months, all else has been hopeless. The fact still remains, that at 39 weeks, Esther is breech. The danger now lies in my ability to deliver her without harm to myself. They won't allow a breech delivery, and really weren't interested in giving her a chance or time to turn. His suggestion was to schedule a C-Section for tomorrow morning. After explaining and talking with him, he agreed to wait and see if she flips by my next appointment next Tuesday, and in the event that she has not, I'll need a C-Section in order to prevent spontaneous labor with her in the breech position. In the office, I remained calm and cool. I backed up out of the office like I had seen the snake again. I calmly and slowly made my way to the front desk to schedule my next appointment. The girl, unknowingly, quoted me the time of the next appointment- for next Tuesday. I opened my phone to input the appointment reminder on my calendar app- and remembered as I scrolled through the dates, that next Tuesday is my birthday. I couldn't even thank the girl as I choked back tears. I exited the office, put my over-sized sunglasses on, and allowed the fear and worry to escape through my eyes and down my cheeks. "Oh God- did you bring me this far, to have me confront my worst fears on my birthday, and possibly face death all at the same time?" "Who am I that you think I'm so strong to handle such news?" "What have I done to prove I'm capable of such extreme measures?" I can stand on the word, but I found myself thinking of Job, and wondering how God could have allowed such a thing to pass through His sovereignty, and all the while know I could come out on the other side, one way or another, so long as He is with me. "God" I thought, "what are you doing?" I still don't know. I wish I could say the clouds parted and a voice from heaven thundered affirmation or clarity. But it didn't. I wish I could say the holy spirit descended like a dove, and gently rested itself on my shoulder reminding me of God's favor and comfort. But it didn't. I rode home in disbelief, in turmoil, in tears. Did He bring me this far to leave me stranded with my worst fears? Needles, hospitals, major surgery, a roller coaster of emotion, and death? And to have it all come to a grand finalè on my birthday, like a fowl memorial set in stone for years to come. Like a calendar of bad days. I wish I could tell you that tonight I sit confidently in my faith and confident in His ability to provide a way- but I would be lying. Because doubt and fear and torment take over. So tonight, I ask for two very specific requests: 1) that regardless of the outcome, I would be in perfect peace. That I am above all, clothes in His grace, and given the comfort and sustenance for each day- one by one- until the end. I am physically and emotionally and spiritually drained. Walking by faith is an uphill battle, in boots too big, with mud inches deep. It's slippery and wet, and it's hard and taxing. And I've been at it for some time. The news today was like a mudslide knocking back down to the near bottom, and requiring me in my most exhausted state, to press on harder and faster to reach the top. 2) that Esther Jubilee would turn to a head-down, anterior position. She moves all the time, and I'm certain she moves from top to bottom often, as my stomach does the strangest of maneuvers and her kicks move from low to high near my ribs as each day passes. I am in the process of doing some exercises to help turn her, and am confident God is able to do it. But more than any of the above- I want to walk without fear. If a snake slivered across my face, or death stares me back, or surgery with multiple needles is required- I do not want to be gripped by fear. And now is my moment to walk through the fire- and come out not burned, or even smelling of flame. Tonight, I'm standing on Isaiah 43. It's been an anchor through this storm, for certain: When you walk through the waters, I will be with you. When you pass through the rivers strong, I will be there. For I am the lord your God. And the flame, you will not be burned. So as I sit and think of all the possibilities and outcomes, I am reminded that He is greater. He is stronger. And he will not be put to shame. Not because He needs to prove His power to any man. But because of His loving kindness, and gracious love- He will do it. Because He loves me He gave me another day. And because I love Him, I will rejoice- because this is a strong He has made. My birthday this year could mark the worst of the worst of days. But it wouldn't compare to His day, when He hung on a cross. And even then, His worst day, made my best day possible. Through His worst fears, and anxieties, His frailty as a human, He endured the cross to give me redemption. And that, is a good day! Who knows, my birthday could be the wrapping paper to the greatest day for me as a mom. It could be a day of redemption once again, where impossible becomes possible. But I know that He will be with me. Through the worst and. Eat, He will be there. And He's here now. And He won't ever leave me. And that makes today, a good day. 4/27/2015 6 Comments The end of the TunnelYou know the feeling you got when you graduated high school? Or you closed on your home? Or your plane began to descend after a long long flight? The feeling of "this is it, it's finally the end". Where emotions run high because you've waited so very long, and anticipated all the moment would have, and yet, you're given one last opportunity to look back and think, if I did it all again, would I choose differently now? That's where I am. The next time I write a blog post, I'll be holding a sweet baby girl in my hands. And I don't know if things will have turned out the way I'm hoping and praying, like so many of you. But I can see the end. At our church we've been talking through a series the last few weeks called "Getting through what you're going through". Coincidently, or rather God anonymously, it's been so great to be reminded of Truth in these final weeks of being pregnant. There's a giant "tunnel" prop on the stage, and each week our Pastor talks about being in this dark tunnel, and looking for the light at the end. And while so many people struggle to find their way amidst the dark, cold, pathway of despair- I'm nearing the end. The tunnel is running out. And the end is wide open. The terrifying part is that I can't see what around the corner of that end. No one can. Not her on this earth anyway. No doctor or nurse. No specialist or neonatologist. No pastor or counselor. No friends or family member. Not even me, the mom carrying the weight -literally- of this baby girl. But God can. He can see so clearly what lies beyond. And I'm holding onto the hope that He will be with me ask turn that corner and face my greatest fears and deepest longings as a mom. I may not know the way, but I know the one who makes the way straight. I want to take a minute to thank all of you who have stood with us. Who've prayed and fasted and agreed with our prayer of faith for Esther Jubilee. For those of you who've been given visions of her arrival, her childhood, her life purpose being fulfilled. For this of you who've lost sleep over dreams and callings to pray and press-in harder. I cannot convey my thanks to you enough. And some of you I don't even know. I've gotten emails, and texts, and comments on my blog, from people whom I've never met, telling me about how Esther Jubilee has increased their faith. How her story has inspired them. I've read testimonies of how God is working in people and doing miraculous things in other people all because of this little girl who hasn't even yet shown her sweet face. One lady emailed me to say she was praying life and healing verses for a friend with stage four, terminal cancer. Just weeks later he was given a much better, treatable diagnosis and will survive with minor treatment. God is up to something, and even if that something no longer includes me, He is still working and moving. A few of my closest girl-friends and I have been doing a casual study on the book of Esther in the Bible. (Fitting right?) One of the main points is that the name of God isn't written anywhere in that book. It's a setting and time work of where pagan practices had nearly wiped out the culture and traditions of God's people, and He wasn't even mentioned through the course of the whole story. But you're a fool if you can't read the story in its entirety, and not see God's name written all over it. That's what's happening here. Whether it looks like God has His name or not, plastered over the finality of this story, He is the author and finisher of it. The other day, I was reading about David. This scrawny kid who sat amongst sheep. He's the youngest of a lot of brothers, and in sure that meant he was "least important" and probably picked on a whole lot. But he is able to defeat the most staggering and terrifying giant of their day: Goliath. I find it interesting that he mentioned the "lion and the bear" to King Saul. He could've said that he's "really good with a sling shot". Or that "nothing compares to the torture my brothers put me through". Or "I was anointed as king, and one day will take your throne over, so watch out". He uses past experiences to remind those around him that nothing is impossible for his God. My God. We could all whine about the lion that comes to devour our "sheep". He's big and scary and muscular. He roars loud and it's terrifying. Or the bear, that could claw you down and torture you. The one that can walk on all fours, or stand on two hind legs to prove its ginormous size is much greater than you're wimpy "younger brother" self. But those very obstacles were the preparation for the great victory that would come later for David. I don't know if Esther Jubilee is my preparation, or my great victory. But I know somehow it will bring me hope knowing that ultimately the enemy will be defeated. I think back to when Paco and I walked through the valley of sin, and thought we could never recover. How McKenna was just a result of bad timing and bad decisions. But God showed His faithfulness then, and daily reminds me with her as my gift, that in place of death for my disobedience, He traded life- and a sweet girl for me. And I can't help it but call it to remembrance- that He is the same yesterday, today and forever, and will do it again. That in place of death and defeat where it seems as though none can recover- HE will bring about LIFE and trade death for a sweet baby girl....just. For. Me. So thank you. Thank you for praying. Thank you for petitioning Him, on our behalf. But don't stop. Not even once she's here. Because I never want to be found satisfied with my "level" of Jesus, be it because of a miraculous wonder or not. Even if all things turn out completely perfect and I bring my baby girl home without a trace of anencephaly, I want to be found still seeking, and still pressing, and still bargaining for more. Because He's worth more to me, than anything. Including my baby girl. Some of you have asked specifically to be informed when she's coming, so you can pray for us. While it won't be me who texts you- simply because I'll be in labor- you will get a text! We will definitely keep everyone updated and informed also. This is as much your victory as it is our own. And ultimately- it's His. But until then, press in for more. Because it's not over, until He says it's over! 4/14/2015 2 Comments The Second HalfEven if you're alma-mater is down by a serious deficit, you continue cheering them on during the second half. In fact, some of the best games we've all watched are those when the second half is an upset and the underdog comes back to claim the victory, when all odds seemed hopeless. The second half of the movie is always the best part too. I can remember watching the newer released "Pearl Harbor" movie, with Ben Affleck and Josh Hartnett. While most girls my age at the time were swooning over Hartnett, I've always been an Affleck fan, and turned the movie off after he "died" in the first half. About three weeks later, a friend was complaining about how "terrible" the movie was because Kate Beckinsale ended up with Affleck instead. I couldn't believe my ears because I had cut the film short due to disappointment. (All Affleck fans can agree, the second half was the best part of the movie!) The second half of a marriage is always better, given that the first few years you're just learning to live with someone else just as selfish as you are, and you don't know how to communicate or coexist with another human without tearing them down. Second halves are where dreams are made, victories are achieved, and the unimaginable is made possible. Today, was a second half of sorts for Esther Jubilee. I met with one of the most awesome midwives, I'm pretty sure, practicing this side of the Mississippi River. (Kristin will always be my favorite home birth midwife, but for a hospital working midwife this lady was baller!) her name was Barbara, and she insisted to me that nothing is ever as dramatic as hospitals seem to make it. That labs and needles aren't necessary for everyone. That intervention is over rated and over used. That everyone else's opinion the day of delivery doesn't matter except for mine. That modern delivery practices are more hype than they need to be, and that women's bodies and the whole baby-box tucked inside of every one of them, is capable of delivering babies on its own. Needless to say, she agrees with and wishes for all the things we want for Esther. She even said despite what other doctors have told us that "these babies can surprise you, and live for quite some time!" So we are praying Mrs. Barbara is the Midwife who helps to deliver Esther Jubilee! And you can too! Today was the last of the "tests" as far as the pregnancy goes. Pray that the result is negative. (Which sounds bad, but a negative culture is a positive answer!) so long as the test comes back negative, we can proceed with no IV as planned- just like all the other kids! This past week has been a "second half" as well. Paco has been telling me how he is "trusting God" with every detail of Esther's life and arrival. (Which is a big deal because he hasn't shared much of how he's handling all of this!) I experienced the first of what will probably be many, Braxton hicks this past weekend. It reminded me of where my faith stands, because with each one, I was reminded how fragile life is, and how Esther's life is completely out of my hands, and in God's hands! And as a mom, that's the only other set of hands that doesn't leave me completely terrified. Even on my time-hop app, I'm being reminded of God's faithfulness. This time last year, our church was amidst a series called "hunt for hope" in which our Pastor taught on Hope amidst difficult seasons. I've been reminded of such truths each morning when I get the notification to check the app, with scripture from the Word, that not only builds my faith, but assures me that God had Esther Jubilee's life in motion and planned with purpose long before she was ever conceived! I can't tell you how excited I am for her arrival! I've had people telling me how excited they are, but I can assure you, that as her mom, and the one who has been blessed to know her before all of you, that I am beyond excited! God has some serious plans for this girl. I don't know exactly what they include, but I know they are for a hope, and a future, and for the process of building others' faith, and making Jesus famous! Since everyone continues to ask what to pray for, I am continuing to give specifics to those requests! God gives good things to His kids, and He is detail oriented. So we are praying specifically for a few things, so I thought I would update you all, who are praying with us and for us: We are believing that Barbara will be the midwife available to deliver Esther. I know it's a superficial request- but God can work it out! We are believing for the Group B strep test result to be "negative". We are believing for Esther to come on her own without induction. We are believing for convenience in the drive to Gulf Coast Hospital (as its nearly 40 minutes away from our home). That traffic is minimal, and lights are green (since I'll be in the middle of labor while we drive there!) We are believing for favor at the hospital. We are believing for the Glory of God to go forth in SW Florida and our community specifically, but to all the earth, as her story is shared and that credit is given to the Author of her Life: Jesus Christ the living, saving, healing, redeeming Savior of the World. You know, I have scripture verses plastered all over my house. They build my faith and remind me to speak the work out loud. And one that I keep near the door of our master bedroom is from Zachariah 4:6. It says "‘Not by might nor by power, but by My Spirit,’ Says the LORD". And I have known that verse for a while now. But interestingly enough, since I don't spend a lot of time in my doorway, I kind of glance at it, and will say the verse out loud as I pass the posted scripture. This past week I slowed down, and continued to read it, even though I "know" it. The second half is the best part. And we often forget it. I know I have. The second part says "Who are you, O great mountain? Before Zerubbabel you shall become a plain!" Because you see, the mountain of adversity, no matter how great, WILL BE leveled to nothing. To flat plain. Flat road. That is the same as any other. You won't loose your footing, you wont trip up on "uneven" pavement. There isn't a curb or a dip or a pothole or an incline- it's a PLAIN. it's just PLAIN in front of you. And God WILL handle it. Just like He will make everything work out for Esther. We are praying for you, as you pray for us, that God would bless your families and keep you. That He would give you faith to move mountains, and peace amidst uncertainty. That He guards your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus, and that you are bombarded by His Holy Spirit, and lead into all truth, as you go about your daily living and working and eating and sleeping and relationships! And we are praying the the mountains you are facing, are made PLAIN in front of you, as His word says! God is so very good. And so very faithful. And we cannot wait to share the "second half" of Esther Jubilee's story with all of you! 4/4/2015 3 Comments 20/20Hindsight is always 20/20. It doesn't matter if you've witnessed, been told about, or experienced life seasons first hand, looking back is always a clearer picture. This week I've been challenged, knowing this Baby, Esther Jubilee, is coming soon. As a first time mom, I remember being a little freaked out about labor and delivery. The second time, I wasn't at all. I had done it before and felt like I had all the knowledge needed to get me through it. By the third time, I was simply exhausted at the idea, but not scared. Even when Wes was overdue, I pleaded with my midwife to wait and let me go into labor spontaneously, for the sake of me. Because then I would know what to expect, and how to handle it. With Adalynn's delivery- even though "home" delivery was new, it was still the same process as before- and maybe because I hadn't had as much as a hiccup of difficulty with the others, I was so calm about her arrival away from the hospital. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I refused all kinds of unnecessary pokes and prods- trusting full well that everything was just fine with me and the baby. I never once considered anything other than "normal and easy". It wouldn't have mattered if I had all the tests in the world initially- nothing could have changed or helped Esther's outcome. Just like nothing can change the outcome of her life now: not even a diagnosis of death. And maybe it's selfish, but now, as I update this blog, and confide in those of you who've been faithful to pray for Esther Jubilee's healing, I'm asking for your prayers for me. I believe full well that Esther has already been made whole. As I've blogged before, to just thank God for His healing power that has already taken place. I'm asking for prayers for me, and for the process of labor and delivery that will take place any day now. With most babies, you would want to reach at least 40 weeks, and not be concerned with missing your due date. While I believe that Esther has been made whole, the doctors on the other hand will need to see to believe. The idea that she comes later than anticipated, will immediately call for action and induction on the doctors end. Any sign of distress- even if it's considered a normal "delay" or "set back" in regular conditions during labor, will warrant intervention. Esther Jubilee and I need your prayers for a quick, easy delivery without ANY hang ups. Without any delays. Any stalls of contractions. Any rise in heart rate, blood pressure, sugar levels, or anxiety could lead to the doctors wanting to either operate on me, or end Esther's life to save mine. Even though these things could all be normal or average in regular pregnancies, the medical staff will see any obstacle as a result of her diagnosis. Every day after her due date of May 5th, will be because "her lack of brain tissue or skull isn't producing enough pressure or chemical release to make the body contract" on its own. That's why it's critical that our prayers switch from "God please heal this baby" to "God deliver this baby quickly and easily without delay or set back". I sat awake the other night thinking of all the scenarios and what we would do in each case. And then the Holy Spirit, tried and true, began to give me His reassurance of what He has always done before. He has given me the ability to labor at home and make it to wherever I plan to deliver safely. He has given me favor with hospital staff. He has ensured my worst fears are minimally exposed and or manifested. (I've thankfully never needed intervention or even as much as an IV during childbirth because of my terrible fear of needles!) He has allowed me to leave the hospital early. He has allowed for me to never need stitches or medication for anything post partum or out of the ordinary. And He's done all of this for my faith now. It's all clear looking back. Even when we can't understand why He allows or why He teaches us a lesson, He is always making us into something, to be able to make it through something else later. This weekend, as most people celebrate the holiday- be it with the easter bunny or death on a cross- remember that He endured for you, for me, for Esther. He became lowly so that I could become lofty. He became nothing to make you into something. He became man, so that we could one day live eternally with God. And that is amazing. Looking back, it probably made perfect sense to His disciples and greatest friends. But the moment it was happening I'm sure it was a test of their faith. The darkness had covered not only the earth, but their hope and belief in what was to come. Would what He said, actually be true? And yet all the while He had been preparing them for that moment. He said the water would be still- and it obeyed Him and was. He said God would provide- and He did and fed the masses. He said he would rise again on the third day- and by now they certainly would know that what He said would be true. Maybe He's making you into something too. Maybe what you're walking through and experiencing now is just preparing you for the season that is coming. I can't even imagine all He is preparing Esther for! He clearly has ginormous plans for her! Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. And thank Him for all He allows!! So I ask specifically, for prayers regarding me and Esther Jubilee in regards to: Her arrival on or before May 5th.
A speedy delivery with no delays. No complications or out of the ordinary set backs during labor. Easy progression and dilation. Easy delivery and recovery. No additional post-partum or hemorrhage for me. Complete fertile ground of the hearts of every medical professional who witnesses the miraculous that day! Happy easter! And more than that- Happy Resurrection Day! He is Alive!!! 3/26/2015 2 Comments Expiration DatesWe were grocery shopping, with all the kids in tow. Paco and I have it nearly down to a science: two kids per cart, groceries surrounding whoever is in the "basket", and ignore the looks that scream "FREAKS!" I've grown accustomed to the questions and remarks of strangers who have no idea what's happening inside my womb. People say some harsh things to pregnant people, and if nothing else from this post, please remember that the Word tells us that children are a BLESSING and that the next time you encounter a pregnant woman- be it under any circumstances- encourage her rather than further discourage. Because that is seemingly the trend. I could tell you countless stories of things people said, all while meaning well, while pregnant any of the five time I've been. But this time, they are much weightier, and the enemy uses them to pierce more deeply. I've learned to wear the armor of God thick, every day. Because if I don't clothe myself with it before leaving my house, surely I will succumb to defeat. Things like "oh wow! Your hands are certainly full!" This annoyed me before but now I want to scream back "MY BABY COULD DIE AND YOU JUST TOLD ME THAT BASICALLY MY WORK LOAD IS TOO MUCH!?!" Or the classic "Any day now right? You're looking heavy and ready to pop!" And I want to give them this piece of my mind: "YOU DO KNOW THAT HER BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL IS INSIDE RIGHT?" People are so inconsiderate. But I've learned that people do not know. I've learned the true meaning of what Jesus said as He hung from the cross, meanwhile people mocked and jabbed at His situation. He says "Father forgive them, they know not what they do". If He was dying in 2015, I'm pretty certain that text would read, "oh Father God, forgive these people cause they don't have a flipping clue!" So just a little side-bar: the next time you see someone who's pregnant- with a perfectly healthy baby or not, just remember to encourage them. Things like "you are blessed!" Or "congratulations and best of luck to you!" Or "well I pray everything goes perfectly!" Are much more encouraging than the typical responses you think are well-meaning. End rant. So we are walking through the super-sized giant store of BJ's, and I'm collecting the norm: apples, romaine lettuce, lemons....a few aisles later orange juice, lemonade, toilet paper. We are nearly done, the carts are heavy and full now, and the last stop is for some sour cream. If you've ever run into moldy cheese, opened milk, or cracked eggs- you know that every time you purchase that particular item, you check, check, and double check to make sure it doesn't happen again. Because the worst feeling is to be utterly exhausted from grocery hulling (as we do at our house), unload ALL the things, put them ALL away, make dinner, and realize the sour cream is passed the expiration date. It's happened to me once before, and for me, the struggle is real to not include sour cream at dinner time. So I check the seal of the foil paper covering the top, making sure it's sealed well, no tears, no cracks in the plastic tub. I scan the product to make sure I haven't accidentally grabbed cottage cheese or heaven forbid light sour cream (insert face of disgust here). Because nothing in all the world would be so devastating, than serving up luscious potatoes for dinner, and not having luxuriously creamy full-fat sour cream to dunk them in. And as I scanned the date on the back side of the tub it dawned on me: the baby is due before the sour cream expires. The all-too-familiar sensation of fear and doubt surged through me like the chills. And then a wave of hope and strength as I reminded myself that the word says Esther Jubilee will "live and not die". It's funny how small, and meaningless details can trigger such responses from those of us walking through a valley. And though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will NOT be afraid, for He is with me! That night, Paco and I sat in bed watching a Redbox movie: Moses, of Gods and Kings. Certainly a worldly perspective on a God-ordained story. Which we expected from Hollywood. And yet I remembered the feeling I had felt as that expiration date stared me down just hours earlier, as the Israelites faced the Red Sea, and Pharaoh and His men closed the gap behind them. They've experienced the greatest of miracles - both through torment of plagues and redemption of their people as they walked freely from the grips of bondage and oppression. They undoubtedly celebrated as they marched onward towards the promised land ahead. They probably sang songs and skipped a bit too, thinking of how God had delivered them from the hands of their captors and gave them hope and a future, as He had promised long ago. And here they find themselves stranded - with a sea before and an army behind them. The gap closing moment by moment. The pressure was on. The expiration seemed to be up. Surely some of them believed that God could and would make a way. He had turned water to blood, sent frogs and locusts and hail, and even killed children on their behalf once before. But among the several thousand people there, presumably one- if not many others- had a moment of doubt. A moment where it all appeared hopeless again. How could God who had delivered them in such a mighty way, lead them to be slaughtered by their enemies or drowned in the great Red sea? There are moments when I can completely relate to both of these ideas. As the day grows closer, I am reminded of the great loss I could face. I'm reminded by doctors to "prepare for the worst". I'm told by friends and even fellow believers and people of "faith" that we need to be "realistic". And there are certainly moments when my flesh is weak and my heart fails, and I sink to the depths where hopelessness and defeat seem inevitable. I find myself staring at a giant abyss of ocean, and behind me lies the accuser of the brethren ready to slaughter my faith. Oh God where are you? And then in a moment.... Hope begins to arise. Because if I "go to the depths, YOU are there!" And though "my heart and flesh may fail, God is my strength and my portion forever!" And I am reminded of how when the people of God- so many times before- faced such unfavorable outcomes, God delivered them out of them ALL! He delivered a lion and a bear and GOLIATH into the hands of David. He delivered Esther, Modecai, and all of the Jews from complete destruction and makes them a great people. He rescues Jonah- who mind you disobeyed quite severely- into the belly of a fish, and then back to dry land in order that the gospel would go forth. And He SPLIT THE SEA for the Israelites in the moment they faced their greatest hopelessness. People ask how we are, and I can tell you that the pressure is on! The heat is turned up, and our faith will be refined. We can choose to believe or choose to doubt- and I am choosing faith. It is a daily choice that is sometimes harder to make- but I choose none the less. I love how God sends His word of encouragement through other people. I'm not talking about the people who say things like "if you need anything, we are here for you" or the people who are saying "we've loved and lost and want to walk this with you" because those are the people who's faith is either missing or ill, and I don't have the strength to explain or feed their hungry spirit. I'm talking about the people who text to say " God woke me up to pray for your baby, and she is being made whole!" The numerous people who've said "God is growing my faith through this, and I can't wait to meet your baby girl!" The people who've said "I had a dream that your baby was perfect and complete, and I prayed that it would be so!" That is true faith. That is hope. And that is what pleases God! We still have no other information from the doctors. They won't offer much else unless we press them, simply because in their medical perspectives- all "intervention" is a lost cause. I've seen God working a miracle though in the schedule of doctor appointments. I loathe the doctors office, and especially now because they have nothing good to say. And now that I'm in my last few weeks, I see them every other week- and soon every week. It's not only a pain to schedule sitters and rides and all the above like a normal person- but to have to listen to the medical jargon of the doctors is annoying to say the least. Because of different scheduling issues in the office though, my appointments have been rearranged to be once about every three weeks the last two times! And I laugh and thank God that He's working it out for me before I even go! I keep telling people, the hospital staff is in for a huge surprise. They are preparing for us to have a quiet space, away from all the "regular" mothers and babies. They've told us they will not be intruding or interrupting us as often. That we can pretty much have our run of the hospital the day we deliver, as to make things as easy as possible for us. The funny thing is, this baby will be perfect and we will get the best treatment ever! God is already giving Esther Jubilee special treatment! So what to pray for now? Well specifically- pray for complete healing as I've said many times before. But start thanking God. He has been so faithful, and it's time we start thanking Him for what He's done. His way of healing, as we see in the word, is always complete- and it's always immediate. He doesn't give "partial" gifts. Or "delayed" gifts. So start lining your thoughts and words and prayers up with that. Secondly, be praying for all of our family as the day approaches. For peace and security. That the thoughts and darts of the enemy would be divulged long before ever arriving to our eye and ear gates. That the mouth of the accuser would be silenced and that people "well meaning", but actually doing more damage than good, would supernaturally hush. Pray for Esther's delivery... Because she is coming soon! I'm nearly 33ish weeks. This pregnancy has an expiration date! Which means technically- she can come as early as the end of April. But we don't want opposition from doctors if she is overdue, because I don't want to be induced. I don't want there to be pressure for medical intervention if the labor is slow, or stalled for any reason. All of which can happen in regular circumstances. But doctors will see it as a result of her "condition" and may have more of a slant because of it. Pray that my water does NOT break before it is time to push. Pray that she is head down. Her perfectly round and brain-filled head that is! Pray that my body opens and dilates fully and with ease. And quickly! I know a lot of moms probably say that- but I've always prayed for it, and God has always done it! (my labors have only ever been about 5 hours long, and as quick as 2!) Pray that I don't become tired in the laboring process, that I am able to endure and stay focussed while managing the process. Pray that Esther responds well to labor, and doesn't move away and can't be "monitored" because again, any sign of distress on her or my part could result in "emergency action" simply because she's been diagnosed with anencephaly. Pray for favor with every staff member, health professional, doctor and nurse we encounter. That each of them are hand selected by God to help deliver this miracle baby and hear the gospel! Because ultimately that is the goal. We want people to hear Esther Jubilee's story, and recognize God's glory and power through her, and come to a saving knowledge of Him. Lastly I would say increase your faith! For those of you reading who are saying "I'll believe when it's done", that IS NOT faith. I don't care how long you've known God, or been in church, faith and hope are based on the UNSEEN.
The faith comes in the unseen part. And you won't have the privilege of joining in on the testimony of the "believing" if you aren't believing before the miracle is seen! If you notice, most products say "best if used by" with a date...and the instances of faith is no different. Faith is best used before the seen becomes reality. If you find yourself amidst circumstances that seem impossible, take heart. Be encouraged. God hasn't left you, or Esther, or me, for destruction. He's making a way through the sea for you to be saved! "They that go down to the sea in ships, that do business in great waters; These see the works of the LORD, and his wonders in the deep." Psalm 107:23-24 "Now then, you and all these people, get ready to cross the Jordan River into the land I am about to give to them …" Joshua 1:2b (NIV) Joshua 3:5, "Joshua told the people, ‘Consecrate yourselves, for tomorrow the LORD will do amazing things among you. 3/18/2015 0 Comments UnboxingI. Hate. Moving. (No we aren't moving if that's what you thought!) But the process of packing and unpacking. Is. exhausting. My parents rented their houses all through my high school years, and for about a five year span of time, I had moved around 13 times. Granted, part of that process was because I was moving to and from college four times a year. But regardless- I was so sick of moving that by the time Paco and I bought our own house, I had no desire to pack our things and move in! Thankfully, we managed, and I now dread the thought of moving - later- if ever- to any other location- be it local or afar- because of the packing and unpacking. But I guess I'm a small portion of the globe. There's a new phenomenon sweeping across all seven continents. I don't know if you've heard or have seen the footage, but it seems too juvenile to be true. And yet, it has taken the news by force. Go ahead and Google search "unboxing". It's the latest trend in youtube creators and viewers' repertoires. At first I thought it was just for kids. But after doing about thirty seconds of research, I found out it's a much less segregated-by-age audience. Adults alike are engulfed in the trend. If you have preschool aged kids you've probably seen at least one, if not fifty, of these little segments. If not- I'll catch you up to speed: Running about 6-8 minutes in length, anonymous "film makers" record their hands opening an array of toys. Usually they're encased in plastic Easter egg shells, or wrappers of some kind. The few minutes is spent unearthing each one, one at a time, while the anonymous person narrates what he/she is doing. You only ever see their hands. You only hear their voice. You wouldn't believe the popularity. For kids, it's small trinket-like junk toys. The small ones that come out of gum-ball machines. Or stickers. Or candies. And they're usually stuffed in an egg or other opaque vessels, and sometimes wrapped in another layer of foil or paper, which adds to the "suspense" of the opening. It's not just for toys either. It's a trend among adults: Youtube creators will "unbox" blenders, iPhones, yoga equipment, game consoles...anything that comes in multi-layered packaging. It's absurd. But it's reality. People young and old alike, from every continent on the planet, are enthralled with these types of videos. Strange? Yes. But true. As a parent, I took notice, because my 2 y/o could find these types of videos easily- without help- when using the iPad. We would "search" for something familiar, for him, like "mickey mouse" or "bubble guppies", and within minutes, wesley could find his way over to one of these videos. The one that's his favorite creeps me out a bit. It's a grown man, with a lisp, and bandages all over his hands. He tells the kids of how he is an "engineer" and loves candy. If I met a person face-to-face who offered those descriptions I would be freaked out. And here my kids sit, glued to his "unboxing" of junk toys. What is so awesome about these videos? At first I thought, "oh something else is going on here!" And started watching myself to make sure there weren't "innuendos" or "inappropriate" moments scattered throughout the segment. Rest easy- I didn't find any of that. But as a parent I want to know, and I understand that it's my responsibility, to know exactly what my kids are watching and exposing themselves too. And also it may or may not have been because the "entrepreneur" in me thought, certainly there's a better way to make money! So I started researching. Google is a very helpful tool for us as parents. I'm not suggesting every source online is valid or reliable. But it's a great resource to have so easily available when in doubt. Apparently, people young and old are obsessed because of the reality these videos offer, The simplicity of what's happening, And the mystery beneath the casing. Let's break this down. The reality of what's offered : We live in a commercialized and target-market society. Everything is pushed at us with an agenda. You can't buy vegetables or dental floss without being bombarded by ethos, pathos, and logos in an ad. And these ads paint glitter and rainbows over every product. What we see is always a mirage. We've all seen the commercials for the "ab belt" or the "snuggie". They market the ridiculous with such finesse that we can't help but want to call the 1-800 number. Things we never knew we needed are all of a sudden, rolled in magical unicorn dust and we want them. These "unboxing" videos give people a realistic view of what to expect beneath the packaging. They remove the wrappers and boxes and reveal the truth of what's lying inside. The products are either better than you thought, or mostly just a hard reality of what is. Either way, it's fact that people watch these videos by the hundreds of thousands to see the reality behind the glamour of pretty paper and fluff of cardboard and plastic. The simplicity of what's being shown: We are bombarded by 1,000 things at once each and every moment of every day. It's why smart phones are such a hit. Because you can read your texts while playing candy crush and check your email all at the same time as making dinner and watching the news. The news channel isn't even simple. The five day forecast is displayed in the top left corner, while the anchors narrate, the box playing photos or videos near their face shows what they're describing, and a ticker feed simultaneously scrolls beneath the headlines. There's something- research says- about one thing at a time - that our brains crave. The simplicity of these videos offers a rest for our constantly running minds to focus and take in all that's happening around us. That's one of the main reasons toddlers like my son are so enthralled. And I believe it carries over to the adult audience as well. The simple focus of opening a single egg or toy at one time, slowly, is nearly entrancing. Like a hypnosis method of sorts, our eyes fixate and our minds let go of the need to process kajillions of pieces of information all at once. Our bodies were designed for simple. And we've overloaded them with technology and gadgets to seem as though we are "increasing productivity" but we are actually overworking our brains and mental capacities far beyond exhaustion. The mystery of what's revealed: Everybody loves presents. We love birthdays. We love Christmas. If you hate opening presents- you're lying to yourself and everyone else. Opening a gift is fantastic. It makes everybody - whether you're the one opening or not- feel good. It's why at kids birthday parties, parents have to constantly remind their kids to "Sit down" or "scoot back". Because every kid at that party is crowding the "opener" as they tear through packaging and wrapping paper. If you've ever been to a Christmas celebration where you have to "wait your turn" to open a present, you know it's boring. Because everyone enjoys the mystery of tearing apart and opening their own gift. Sure you may or may not be disappointed once the paper is off- but up until that point, your face is smiling. We've all learned to suppress that urge to tear through the packaging- calling it "maturity". But you know if you're allowed you'd rip through that junk like the hulk. Everyone, young and old alike, love the mystery of gifts and presents. The concealed becoming revealed. And these videos do just that. As a parent, and as a believer, this whole idea made me ask myself some serious questions. These cheap, dollar-spot toys. These fake, and over-materialized "possessions" have entranced the masses, and they're nothing but junk. As Christians, we carry the gospel message, which is truth. It's life. It's the way. It's real and alive and it is the best gift anyone of us has ever received. We should be unwrapping this gift for the world to see! The gospel would blow those trinkets out of the water! The simplicity of the gospel allows for us to turn off our rationalizing and logical explanations of our own ways- or sin- and realize that God is bigger and able to redeem over them. The simplicity is that while we were sinners, Christ died for us, and now we are welcomed to enjoy this gift! And it's just that: a gift. It's a present. It's a surprise. It's the best one yet. And the best one that will ever be, and we aren't exactly marketing it that way! Ouch. There are people searching and looking- hundreds of thousands- for a new and remarkable gift. They watch for hours on YouTube in search of it- and they aren't going to find it there. They will find it when it's given to them by people like me and you, who can unwrap the secrets and mysteries and present it in all of its glory to them! Unlike the products marketed by these videos, there is no lack-luster appearance of the gospel. In fact, contrary to the way packaging works for material possessions, the gospel only gets better and more baller the further it's unpacked! Start tearing through that paper for a friend. Start ripping through the wrappers for your family. And start revealing the mystery of the gospel for the lost to be found! It's the one time when "maturity" isn't marked by keeping still or quiet or containing ourselves- no. Quite contrary! Maturity comes when we boast in Christ and make His name famous among ALL men. Forget unboxing videos....it's time we started unboxing Jesus. And that may mean we need to unbox Him from the "boxes" we've put Him in ourselves. The Bible tells us He will pour out His spirit on all flesh- but part of that process is that we start telling all flesh of His spirit. We are players in the pouring out. And it's time the earth was filled with his glory! So start unpacking! Cause it's really really good! |
AuthorBri is the mom to four little people, the wife to a gentle giant, and a lover of Jesus. She's figuring out the best ways to parent by trial and error, and sharing her struggles, successes, and stories with you! Archives
June 2018
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