Today has been the epitome of miserable.
You could tell (if you were here and could see me, but since you aren't and can't, I'll let you in on the visual, just to dispel the glamour behind social media posts) it's been rough by the snack I just had at 10:47pm on a Friday night. A bowl of canned corn with lots of butter. And salt. Yeah I know, it's not super good and it's not super great for me. But it says two things: 1) I'm desperate enough to need a carb topped with butter. Heaps and mounds of butter. And 2) we are fresh out of zebra cakes. (Sad face).
Today has been a long long long day. It actually snowballed from last night. Or yesterday morning...but if I'm actually counting, I could technically roll the last five years all into the blame. Because life with kids can be adorably enjoyable, and also traumatically horrific at the same time.
You've probably heard parents mush (or if you are a parent, since this is a, ahem, parenting blog - you've done it yourself) over their kids that are so freaking cute and say the funniest crap,
all while looking exactly like the parent mushing, which makes for a bit of an extreme bias. But you get the point.
But there are days that we don't like to talk about, actually, post about. Because if you've ever talked to a parent, misery escapes from our lips like a maroon 5 song. But our posts on parenting are for the most part delightful and ever so cute, the highlight reel if you will, of our parent/child relationship(s).
***DISCLAIMER: IF YOU SEE A PARENT POST ABOUT A NOT-SO-CUTE EVENT OR MOMENT WITH THEIR KID, THEY ARE BEGGING FROM THEIR HEART OF HEARTS FOR SOME ENCOURAGEMENT....why else would we plaster embarrassing or irresponsible things into your feed?***
So, on top of the usual amount of sleep deprivation I face, given that I have four kids under FIVE (since Kenna had a birthday it seems a little less dramatic!) and one of them is only 3 months old....it got worse...much worse.
I'm pretty good about running on "empty" when it comes to energy....and I have my trusty three C's to help....(for another post- and probably in multiple others) coffee....concealer....and Christ Jesus.
Lord knows I need Him.
Coffee helps get rid of tiredness.
And concealer covers whatever coffee can't fix.
So yesterday, the baby decided to have a "chat session" and practice for her upcoming career as a 3-hour lecturing professor, and began chatting away at about 4am. Now typically, I would just lay said kid back in their bed and let them talk It out alone, while I go back to bed. Unless their upset or crying or both, they don't need me at 4am. They need me to sleep so I can accurately and effectively care for them the next day.
But with Adalynn....who defies all baby odds when it comes to temperament...has her pitfall. She is a "happy spitter". Yeah. Whoever coined that phrase never had a kid who projectile vomits everywhere. Because there is nothing "happy" about it.
She's outgrown it for the most part, but her gag reflex is stellar. And in the last two weeks or so, she has discovered her fists, and how they are super fun when inserted into her mouth. The two together are a lethal laundry combo.
So to avoid to laundry, the mess, the showers for all members of our neighborhood at 4am, someone has to stay up with her, to monitor her "bulimia" if you will.
Since Paco had to work the next morning, I took the task on.
So having been awake since 4, because the others were up before Addie went back to bed, I was running on fumes by about noon. But on Thursdays I also have worship practice, which meant I would be out late.
I would skip if I hated it. But seriously, band practice and the people I serve with, make Thursday nights from 7-10 a mini-stay-cation for me, week after week.
I also had a meeting before that, from 5:30-7. Which can be DRAINING to sit through. Not because the content was boring but because it's a meeting. Duh.
But I also committed to helping create a video, that needed completed before the weekend, and since Paco got home late from work, I didn't have the chance to create it before the meeting and band practice, I had to stay late-ER and do it after!
So I'm exhausted on top of exhausted and when I look at the clock after finishing the video project, it was 1:30am!!!!
Holy Moses. I knew my day would be a wreck.
So I get home, go to bed, and lo! And behold! Wesley decided to get up at about 6:20 this morning. (He normally sleeps till about 9!)
He also doesn't sit and "watch this show" while I "rest my eyes" for. A few minutes. He needs CONSTANT attention because he's two. And he's a HE. hello.
So I'm zonked. My lovely grandmother and her hubs dropped off some Starbucks grade caffeine....extra shots and extra sugar...to get me through to noon. God bless 'Em.
But on days I'm most worn,
The kids have conspired and decide to be the most work.
Can I get an amen?
Wesley got into EVERY. STINKING. THING. this morning. I don't even remember all the stuff because it was so much. Things like ripping pages from random books. Dumping out the silverware drawer. Turning on the bathtub water and managing to flood the floor with one splash, in about .08 seconds.
Things that would probably win us prizes from Guinness book of records if I called and had them observe. The kid is cray cray!
The girls, who have been pretty
Good lately, fought nonstop. She touched my arm. She took that toy. She's wearing that shirt. She ate her lunch. ( yes- her own lunch) my favorite was the "she's in my way and I can't see the tv!"
Because "she" is about 2.5 feet tall. And the tv is mounted on the wall, at about 3 feet off the ground, and it's a 60" screen! You could land planes in my living room because it's so visible, and here they were complaining. Gaaaah!!!
Wes pulled the cord from the outlet, to the vacuum, about 20 times while I was attempting to vacuum the floor. It took like 4 hours to complete my living room.
I also have a beef with children's tv networks... because I don't understand how we can only ever see the same 3 episodes of Mickey Mouse or bubble guppies. I could quote you the lines from each one from memory.
Today, McKenna begggggged me to start "school". (I was waiting until I had a chance to wake up, in order to teach her correctly!) so I divulge her request and she immediately starts whining that "school is so hard! I don't want to do this! Can I just be done!?"
Smack. My. Head.
It was as if Jesus had lead Papa John's Pizza to send out a text promotion, because by 5:30 I hadn't even thought about dinner, much less did I have anything close to a desire to want to make it.
Take out had to have been created by a woman.
Bedtime rolls around, and I think to myself, "skipping baths tonight won't kill the kids. They had one last night, and we didn't go anywhere today." Done and done.
I wrestle Wes into a clean diaper.
Pour and mix three glasses of
Chocolate milk....and McKenna reminds me (because children NEVER FORGET. I swear, if you need to remember something, tell your kids. They won't let you live it down!) I told them because daddy would be gone tonight (add that! He had a baker football game to attend as their chaplain! I was winning all day!) we could watch a movie together, after Wes and Addie went to bed.
I can feel my eyelids burning from exhaustion.
So after 90 minutes of torture to the sound of "Narnia", the girls finally went to bed.
The house is a mess. I'm a mess. Literally. I haven't showered yet today.
I decide to sit for a minute and hopefully fall asleep and leave the rest of responsibility for tomorrow....when the baby starts crying.
So after that lengthy ramble of today (the post is as long as my day seemed!) I'm here to say....some days, being a mom sucks.
It's super hard. And I am so tired. And I am tired. (Whoops. See?)
My body hurts and aches and pains me to bend down again....for another toy....or paci....or piece of garbage.
I'm sick of having to assist people as they do things they are more than capable of.
I want to trade, and have the kids bathe, wash my hair, massage me with lotion, and brush my hair before bed.
I want them to serve up three meals, and twenty-eight snacks and beverage combos each day when I call.
I want to pick the movie for the day, and let it contain subject matter that captivates my attention.
I want to play games and do all of my favorite things, skew accessories and belongings all over the house and have them returned to their rightful places when I wake up the next day.
Dear Lord, I want someone to put me to bed at 8, and have the house quiet until I wake on my own around 9-9:30 the next day.
I actually told my husband that spring break week, of each kids' senior year- I'm waking them up every three hours through the night, making them drink a full glass of warm milk, and change their pants.
Nights like tonight, I am waiting for the season to be over.
The season of toddlers and infants. Diapers and Bottles. Boo-boos and emotional roller coasters.
I know I know...one day I'll look back and wish the days were still here...but tonight....on august 29th...2014. I want to tap out. I want to give up. I want to quit and be done.
And thankfully, the Voice of Reason, whispers to me....
"Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!" Psalm 43:5.
"I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 3:14.
"So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up." Galatians 6:9.
An I'm so so so very glad that in the hardest seasons....when I was little...my mom didn't give up. And in her "doing well" she equipped me with the Truth that is the Word of God, to remind me when it's hard, that I am serving my kids with a purpose. That my efforts aren't in vain. That the long and sleepless nights, the long and tiring days, are full of opportunity to show Jesus to my kids....and make them into disciples!
An that's good news! That is worth fighting one more day, one more hour, one more moment.
So don't be discouraged....being a mom...a dad....a parent is HARD. And it's the one job, where the lasting effects will haunt us or honor us for the rest of our lives. So do it as into The Lord, with diligence, with fervor, with passion, and grace. Lots and lots and lots of grace.
It's the most self-less job on the planet, too. If you think you've got "selfishness" in the bag, have a kid, because they will teach you to lay down your rights, and wants for theirs....starting immediately.
So encourage the next parent you see....be it in line at the grocery, in a parking lot, or hulling all the kids to a park or appointment....just like you need it, I need it...we all do! A healthy reminder that we are doing it the "right way". That we aren't screwing up our kids, and that it's going to be worth it!
His mercies are new every morning! Thank The Lord!
Now I'm going to bed to get sleep...and that mercy in the a.m.!