10/8/2014 0 Comments Pressing In, while in the PressingThere we were, strolling two big red carts through the aisle-ways of target. Wes in a cart seat, the baby carrier in the basket, and the girls hanging onto either side of cart number 2. I don't know what I'll do if I'm ever alone when the new baby comes- because we are all out of room as it is! Paco was pushing the cart that was full of kids while I pushed the empty one. It was more of a "walker" since I had started with this "morning" sickness. As much as I didn't want to be in the car, walking - no hobbling- through a store, as much as I didn't want to be anywhere except in bed, Paco said it would be good for me and the kids to get out of the house. There I was- wearing no make-up, hair in a matted, half-effort bun, and leggings as pants. (Don't worry I wore an athletic jacket long enough to cover my mom parts.) Mortified we would have a reunion of sorts with all the people we know in the area- since that only happens when you don't want to be seen-Seriously though- why can't I run into everyone like, before church on a Sunday morning, while my Make up is fresh, my hair is still curled, and sweat and juice boxes haven't moistened my wardrobe choices for the day!?!? So we are walking, and since it's the day after school started, or maybe a few weeks later- but it seems closer and closer each year- the "seasonal" items are all things halloween. Now I already despise halloween for multiple reasons, but I can see from a distance in my mom radar lenses, that we are about 6 aisles away from the costumes. Sure the girls would've loved to walk the aisle filled with disney characters, colorful and bright dresses, and imagined them for another day. But along with the cute, fun, innocent child-appropriate items, are the adult-content selections. That can mean two things today. It can mean A) adult as in terrifying and scary. Masks with blood and guts, warts and eaten flesh, glowing eyes and demonic appearances. Or it can mean B) the most distasteful, overly short, extremely revealing, fishnet-stocking-accompanying hooker-ween outfits, fit for a brothel or the red light district. Ok- let me just say- I'm not here to say the girls who work those types of jobs are "bad" or "worse". Jesus loves them, and my heart breaks for them, knowing their lot in life and decisions however poor, lead them to live a life of prostitution and abuse. It's my prayer, and the heart of God- that they would be removed from such an environment, and restored to perfect love. But in the aisle at target, where we buy most of the kids' clothes, I don't intend to allow my daughters the "window of opportunity" into immodesty. Or else to explain away why any grown woman, with parts and curves, would choose- voluntarily- to squeeze herself into the likes of one of those outfits. That my dear friends is another post ENTIRELY. Needless to say, Paco and I took a "detour" through a different aisle, in order to completely miss the section of halloween paraphernalia. The problem? I wanted to look at all the pretty Christmas stuff: lights and ornaments, lawn decorations, and displays....and as we "passed by" the ugly and the evil, the lovely and pure was glaring from the back wall to me. It was there- just after the horrendous and horrible things, waiting to be seen. Now as much as I wanted to look at it, we can wait a few more weeks and it will be front and center. And with my 2, 3, and 5 year olds present, I decided to skip walking through the muck of halloween items to see the Christmas ones. But as we walked away, the Holy Spirit, like he's so faithful to do, began to show me a clearer picture of Himself. Because sometimes- life is yucky. Sometimes, life is scary. Sometimes life is cruel. Torturous. Evil. Flesh- spirit- soul- eating. Sometimes life and all the things of this world can be terrifying and awful, inhumane and just plain demonic. But lo! If we press through, If we carry on, If we would allow ourselves to look beyond what is immediate and temporary and instant, we would see that waiting, just beyond the sick and twisted, lies the glory and the purity and the sweet presence of Jesus. I'm not saying we should indulge in the filth along the way. No no. I'm saying if we would not fix our eyes on what's in the "aisle way" our lives currently are standing in- and fix our eyes on the cross and on His perfect will and His perfect plan, we would find ourselves beyond the chaos and confusion, and at the feet of Jesus, where a holy, perfect, innocent babe once laid, and now- a death-conquering King and warrior, savior and redeemer, is seated on His throne! When the kids are going crazy and the day seems endless. When my two year old has spilled a 6th bottle of water onto the carpet. (Don't ask) When no one has napped and I just need ten minutes of quiet. When I'm sick and puking and over being pregnant. He is there- just beyond my feelings of fear. Just beyond the terrifying and horrible. If I would just press on, And press in, I would reach Him. I think that's what's so gripping about the woman with the issue of blood. She's not just "sick". Sure, she has every reason to need healing. She's been bleeding for TWELVE YEARS. As much as I hate being pregnant, periods are pretty terrible too. And mine only last about a week. Can you imagine wearing a pad for twelve years!?!? The woman has seen doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist in search of an answer. In search of THE answer. And after exhausting ALL of her resources, all of them- she finds herself pressing through a crowd of people, to get ahold of Jesus. As moms, there are plenty of days we use our resources...our resourcefulness to make things work. I know I do it. We are out of bread? Make pb and j crackers! Out of laundry soap? I'll use some dish detergent until I can get some. They're crying over this? Well then I'll make it look like that! We are clever and smart and resourceful when it comes to caring for our kids. We can make something out of nothing. Give out of empty. Cry from joy. And laugh from sorrow. It's what us as moms do! We bleed and bleed and bleed resourcefulness for our kids. But when we have exhausted all of our resources and it's the end of the day, Or the end of our sanity, or the end of our rope- what do we do then? And I pray and long and hope that you AND I, would turn and press in to the one who carries it all! He is able to swallow our fears in peace. He can turn mourning into dancing. He can quiet worry with peace. And He is faithful to take it on, when our burden is far too great. Today, I am pressing through the scary and the terrifying. I'm taking hold of - even the hem- of His presence. It's all that's worth living for anyways. Press in momma. And press on, today, by getting ahold of Jesus.
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10/4/2014 0 Comments It takes a VillageI can tell you, with my deepest sincerity, that our family has already felt the ginormous wave of love and support from all of our friends, family, and readers. Your words of encouragement- be it through the blog, Facebook, or texts, have meant the world to me personally, and to our family. I've seen God's people rise up when a need arises in a new and inspiring way. They say raising achild "takes a village" and I can affirm that on every level. This post is for all of the responses we've received in the last week or so, in regards to helping out while I'm "under the weather" and feeling sick. Many people have asked how they can help, what they can bring, what time to come over, and what needs done. I am overwhelmed by your thoughts- but also overwhelmed at the idea of having to tell people how I need help. It's backwards in today's culture to say "can you help me do this", and is teaching me a new perspective. Really, it's humbling my pride. While I love being able to help others, I'm reminded of how difficult it can be to receive a blessing. So this post is first to say "thank you". Your message, your text, your phone call to help and to say you're praying for us- for me- has meant a world of difference. Next, this post is to let you know how and when you can help. Rather than delegating to individuals, I've set up a "meal train" of sorts. You can click the link below, and sign up for dishes, laundry, or dinner for any of each day- for the next three weeks. Hopefully- by Gods grace and your faith through prayer, I'll be back to good by then. In the event that I'm not, I'll extend the days after that time. But for now, you can offer your help, by choosing a day to do a single load of dishes(in the dishwasher). A single load of laundry (switching what's currently in the machines, and folding what was in the dryer) or a meal (preferably dinner). All the information you need is set up, including how much food to bring, what kind of foods we like or don't like, information on where and when to drop food or come over to help. All of that- and then some! Please please please feel free to stay and visit if you'd like. And also, please please please do not come into my house with an expectation. Especially if you've never been over before. Right now I am barely functioning, and doing my best to conserve energy while dealing with four other kids. There are piles of dishes. Tables that need wiped. Laundry in mountains. And bathrooms that look like public stalls. Don't judge me. I'm growing a person. What if you live far far away? No problem. There are plenty of places that deliver dinner, and I will gladly send you a list! Sign up for a day to help, and we can be in touch about how/where to order from! As much as I thank you, I know Paco thanks you too. While we are walking through this season, he is doing his best to work a full time job, take care of the kids and me, as well as play mom. He appreciates when you load the dishwasher- so he doesn't have to. Or bring a meal, so I don't have to boss him around on how to make another one! He is especially grateful when it happens on days he opens (at 5:30am) or closes (sometime till 11:30pm) and is exhausted both emotionally and physically. Kudos to you babe- I couldn't do this without you- literally. So- Here's the link: http://www.takethemameal.com/meals.php?t=OKDA8987 And thank you again!!! I came across this post and wanted to give the writer a standing ovation, shouting "Bravo!" From my living room. So read, share, comment, applaud....and please oh please....let's change our parenting! (To go give credit where credit is due, go to the actual post here) IN THE NAME OF THE CHILD How American parenting is killing the American marriageDanielle Teller & Astro Teller September 30, 2014 It's hard not to worship them.Reuters/Michaela Rehle Sometime between when we were children and when we had children of our own, parenthood became a religion in America. As with many religions, complete unthinking devotion is required from its practitioners. Nothing in life is allowed to be more important than our children, and we must never speak a disloyal word about our relationships with our offspring. Children always come first. We accept this premise so reflexively today that we forget that it was not always so. In our recently published book, Sacred Cows, we took on our society’s nonsensical but deeply ingrained beliefs surrounding marriage and divorce. We often get asked whether we will next address the sacred cows of modern parenting, at which point we ask the speaker to please lower his voice, and we look nervously over our shoulders to make sure that nobody has overheard the question. To understand the frightening power of the parenthood religion, one need look no further than the 2005 essay in The New York Times by Ayelet Waldman, where the author explained that she loved her husband more than her four children. On “Oprah Where Are They Now,” the author recently reaffirmed the sentiments reflected in her New York Times article, and she added that her outlook has had a positive impact on her children by giving them a sense of security in their parents’ relationship. Following the publication of her essay, Waldman was not only shouted down by America for being a bad mother; strangers threatened her physically and told her that they would report her to child protective services. This is not how a civil society conducts open-minded discourse. This is how a religion persecutes a heretic. The origins of the parenthood religion are obscure, but one of its first manifestations may have been the “baby on board” placards that became popular in the mid-1980s. Nobody would have placed such a sign on a car if it were not already understood by society that the life of a human achieves its peak value at birth and declines thereafter. A toddler is almost as precious as a baby, but a teenager less so, and by the time that baby turns fifty, it seems that nobody cares much anymore if someone crashes into her car. You don’t see a lot of vehicles with placards that read, “Middle-aged accountant on board.” Another sign of the parenthood religion is that it has become totally unacceptable in our culture to say anything bad about our children, let alone admit that we don’t like them all of the time. We are allowed to say bad things about our spouses, our parents, our aunts and uncles, but try saying, “My kid doesn’t have a lot of friends because she’s not a super likable person,” and see how fast you get dropped from the PTA. When people choose to have children, they play a lottery. Children have the same range of positive and negative characteristics as adults, and the personalities of some children are poorly matched with those of their parents. Nature has protected children against such a circumstance by endowing them with irresistible cuteness early on, and by ensuring that parents bond with children sufficiently strongly that our cave-dwelling ancestors didn’t push their offspring out in a snowbank when they misbehaved. Much as parents love their children and have their best interests at heart, however, they don’t always like them. That guy at the office who everyone thinks is a jerk was a kid once upon a time, and there’s a pretty good chance that his parents also noticed that he could be a jerk. They just weren’t allowed to say so. Of course, Ayelet Waldman’s blasphemy was not admitting that her kids were less than completely wonderful, only that she loved her husband more than them. This falls into the category of thou-shalt-have-no-other-gods-before-me. As with many religious crimes, judgment is not applied evenly across the sexes. Mothers must devote themselves to their children above anyone or anything else, but many wives would be offended if their husbands said, “You’re pretty great, but my love for you will never hold a candle to the love I have for John Junior.” Mothers are also holy in a way that fathers are not expected to be. Mothers live in a clean, cheerful world filled with primary colors and children’s songs, and they don’t think about sex. A father could admit to desiring his wife without seeming like a distracted parent, but society is not as willing to cut Ms. Waldman that same slack. It is unseemly for a mother to enjoy pleasures that don’t involve her children. There are doubtless benefits that come from elevating parenthood to the status of a religion, but there are obvious pitfalls as well. Parents who do not feel free to express their feelings honestly are less likely to resolve problems at home. Children who are raised to believe that they are the center of the universe have a tough time when their special status erodes as they approach adulthood. Most troubling of all, couples who live entirely child-centric lives can lose touch with one another to the point where they have nothing left to say to one another when the kids leave home. In the 21st century, most Americans marry for love. We choose partners who we hope will be our soulmates for life. When children come along, we believe that we can press pause on the soulmate narrative, because parenthood has become our new priority and religion. We raise our children as best we can, and we know that we have succeeded if they leave us, going out into the world to find partners and have children of their own. Once our gods have left us, we try to pick up the pieces of our long neglected marriages and find new purpose. Is it surprising that divorce rates are rising fastest for new empty nesters? Perhaps it is time that we gave the parenthood religion a second thought. |
AuthorBri is the mom to four little people, the wife to a gentle giant, and a lover of Jesus. She's figuring out the best ways to parent by trial and error, and sharing her struggles, successes, and stories with you! Archives
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