Hindsight is always 20/20. It doesn't matter if you've witnessed, been told about, or experienced life seasons first hand, looking back is always a clearer picture.
This week I've been challenged, knowing this Baby, Esther Jubilee, is coming soon. As a first time mom, I remember being a little freaked out about labor and delivery. The second time, I wasn't at all. I had done it before and felt like I had all the knowledge needed to get me through it. By the third time, I was simply exhausted at the idea, but not scared. Even when Wes was overdue, I pleaded with my midwife to wait and let me go into labor spontaneously, for the sake of me. Because then I would know what to expect, and how to handle it.
With Adalynn's delivery- even though "home" delivery was new, it was still the same process as before- and maybe because I hadn't had as much as a hiccup of difficulty with the others, I was so calm about her arrival away from the hospital.
At the beginning of this pregnancy, I refused all kinds of unnecessary pokes and prods- trusting full well that everything was just fine with me and the baby. I never once considered anything other than "normal and easy".
It wouldn't have mattered if I had all the tests in the world initially- nothing could have changed or helped Esther's outcome. Just like nothing can change the outcome of her life now: not even a diagnosis of death.
And maybe it's selfish, but now, as I update this blog, and confide in those of you who've been faithful to pray for Esther Jubilee's healing, I'm asking for your prayers for me.
I believe full well that Esther has already been made whole. As I've blogged before, to just thank God for His healing power that has already taken place.
I'm asking for prayers for me, and for the process of labor and delivery that will take place any day now.
With most babies, you would want to reach at least 40 weeks, and not be concerned with missing your due date.
While I believe that Esther has been made whole, the doctors on the other hand will need to see to believe. The idea that she comes later than anticipated, will immediately call for action and induction on the doctors end. Any sign of distress- even if it's considered a normal "delay" or "set back" in regular conditions during labor, will warrant intervention.
Esther Jubilee and I need your prayers for a quick, easy delivery without ANY hang ups. Without any delays. Any stalls of contractions. Any rise in heart rate, blood pressure, sugar levels, or anxiety could lead to the doctors wanting to either operate on me, or end Esther's life to save mine.
Even though these things could all be normal or average in regular pregnancies, the medical staff will see any obstacle as a result of her diagnosis.
Every day after her due date of May 5th, will be because "her lack of brain tissue or skull isn't producing enough pressure or chemical release to make the body contract" on its own.
That's why it's critical that our prayers switch from "God please heal this baby" to "God deliver this baby quickly and easily without delay or set back".
I sat awake the other night thinking of all the scenarios and what we would do in each case. And then the Holy Spirit, tried and true, began to give me His reassurance of what He has always done before.
He has given me the ability to labor at home and make it to wherever I plan to deliver safely. He has given me favor with hospital staff. He has ensured my worst fears are minimally exposed and or manifested. (I've thankfully never needed intervention or even as much as an IV during childbirth because of my terrible fear of needles!) He has allowed me to leave the hospital early. He has allowed for me to never need stitches or medication for anything post partum or out of the ordinary. And He's done all of this for my faith now.
It's all clear looking back. Even when we can't understand why He allows or why He teaches us a lesson, He is always making us into something, to be able to make it through something else later.
This weekend, as most people celebrate the holiday- be it with the easter bunny or death on a cross- remember that He endured for you, for me, for Esther.
He became lowly so that I could become lofty. He became nothing to make you into something. He became man, so that we could one day live eternally with God. And that is amazing.
Looking back, it probably made perfect sense to His disciples and greatest friends. But the moment it was happening I'm sure it was a test of their faith.
The darkness had covered not only the earth, but their hope and belief in what was to come. Would what He said, actually be true? And yet all the while He had been preparing them for that moment. He said the water would be still- and it obeyed Him and was. He said God would provide- and He did and fed the masses. He said he would rise again on the third day- and by now they certainly would know that what He said would be true.
Maybe He's making you into something too. Maybe what you're walking through and experiencing now is just preparing you for the season that is coming.
I can't even imagine all He is preparing Esther for! He clearly has ginormous plans for her!
Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. And thank Him for all He allows!!
So I ask specifically, for prayers regarding me and Esther Jubilee in regards to:
Her arrival on or before May 5th.
That she is head down, and in a decent enough position for the doctors to be confident she is not breech.
A speedy delivery with no delays.
No complications or out of the ordinary set backs during labor.
Easy progression and dilation.
Easy delivery and recovery.
No additional post-partum or hemorrhage for me.
Complete fertile ground of the hearts of every medical professional who witnesses the miraculous that day!
Happy easter! And more than that- Happy Resurrection Day! He is Alive!!!