There we were, strolling two big red carts through the aisle-ways of target.
Wes in a cart seat, the baby carrier in the basket, and the girls hanging onto either side of cart number 2.
I don't know what I'll do if I'm ever alone when the new baby comes- because we are all out of room as it is!
Paco was pushing the cart that was full of kids while I pushed the empty one.
It was more of a "walker" since I had started with this "morning" sickness.
As much as I didn't want to be in the car, walking - no hobbling- through a store, as much as I didn't want to be anywhere except in bed, Paco said it would be good for me and the kids to get out of the house.
There I was- wearing no make-up, hair in a matted, half-effort bun, and leggings as pants. (Don't worry I wore an athletic jacket long enough to cover my mom parts.)
Mortified we would have a reunion of sorts with all the people we know in the area- since that only happens when you don't want to be seen-Seriously though- why can't I run into everyone like, before church on a Sunday morning, while my
Make up is fresh, my hair is still curled, and sweat and juice boxes haven't moistened my wardrobe choices for the day!?!?
So we are walking, and since it's the day after school started, or maybe a few weeks later- but it seems closer and closer each year- the "seasonal" items are all things halloween.
Now I already despise halloween for multiple reasons, but I can see from a distance in my mom radar lenses, that we are about 6 aisles away from the costumes.
Sure the girls would've loved to walk the aisle filled with disney characters, colorful and bright dresses, and imagined them for another day.
But along with the cute, fun, innocent child-appropriate items, are the adult-content selections.
That can mean two things today.
It can mean A) adult as in terrifying and scary. Masks with blood and guts, warts and eaten flesh, glowing eyes and demonic appearances.
Or it can mean B) the most distasteful, overly short, extremely revealing, fishnet-stocking-accompanying hooker-ween outfits, fit for a brothel or the red light district.
Ok- let me just say- I'm not here to say the girls who work those types of jobs are "bad" or "worse". Jesus loves them, and my heart breaks for them, knowing their lot in life and decisions however poor, lead them to live a life of prostitution and abuse. It's my prayer, and the heart of God- that they would be removed from such an environment, and restored to perfect love.
But in the aisle at target, where we buy most of the kids' clothes, I don't intend to allow my daughters the "window of opportunity" into immodesty.
Or else to explain away why any grown woman, with parts and curves, would choose- voluntarily- to squeeze herself into the likes of one of those outfits.
That my dear friends is another post ENTIRELY.
Needless to say, Paco and I took a "detour" through a different aisle, in order to completely miss the section of halloween paraphernalia.
I wanted to look at all the pretty Christmas stuff: lights and ornaments, lawn decorations, and displays....and as we "passed by" the ugly and the evil, the lovely and pure was glaring from the back wall to me.
It was there- just after the horrendous and horrible things, waiting to be seen.
Now as much as I wanted to look at it, we can wait a few more weeks and it will be front and center.
And with my 2, 3, and 5 year olds present, I decided to skip walking through the muck of halloween items to see the Christmas ones.
But as we walked away, the Holy Spirit, like he's so faithful to do, began to show me a clearer picture of Himself.
Because sometimes- life is yucky.
Sometimes, life is scary.
Sometimes life is cruel.
Flesh- spirit- soul- eating.
Sometimes life and all the things of this world can be terrifying and awful, inhumane and just plain demonic.
If we press through,
If we carry on,
If we would allow ourselves to look beyond what is immediate and temporary and instant, we would see that waiting, just beyond the sick and twisted, lies the glory and the purity and the sweet presence of Jesus.
I'm not saying we should indulge in the filth along the way. No no.
I'm saying if we would not fix our eyes on what's in the "aisle way" our lives currently are standing in- and fix our eyes on the cross and on His perfect will and His perfect plan, we would find ourselves beyond the chaos and confusion, and at the feet of Jesus, where a holy, perfect, innocent babe once laid, and now- a death-conquering King and warrior, savior and redeemer, is seated on His throne!
When the kids are going crazy and the day seems endless.
When my two year old has spilled a 6th bottle of water onto the carpet. (Don't ask)
When no one has napped and I just need ten minutes of quiet.
When I'm sick and puking and over being pregnant.
He is there- just beyond my feelings of fear. Just beyond the terrifying and horrible.
If I would just press on,
And press in, I would reach Him.
I think that's what's so gripping about the woman with the issue of blood.
She's not just "sick".
Sure, she has every reason to need healing. She's been bleeding for TWELVE YEARS.
As much as I hate being pregnant, periods are pretty terrible too. And mine only last about a week.
Can you imagine wearing a pad for twelve years!?!?
The woman has seen doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist in search of an answer.
In search of THE answer.
And after exhausting ALL of her resources, all of them- she finds herself pressing through a crowd of people, to get ahold of Jesus.
As moms, there are plenty of days we use our resources...our resourcefulness to make things work. I know I do it.
We are out of bread? Make pb and j crackers!
Out of laundry soap? I'll use some dish detergent until I can get some.
They're crying over this? Well then I'll make it look like that!
We are clever and smart and resourceful when it comes to caring for our kids.
We can make something out of nothing.
Give out of empty.
Cry from joy.
And laugh from sorrow.
It's what us as moms do!
We bleed and bleed and bleed resourcefulness for our kids.
But when we have exhausted all of our resources and it's the end of the day,
Or the end of our sanity, or the end of our rope- what do we do then?
And I pray and long and hope that you AND I, would turn and press in to the one who carries it all!
He is able to swallow our fears in peace.
He can turn mourning into dancing.
He can quiet worry with peace.
And He is faithful to take it on, when our burden is far too great.
Today, I am pressing through the scary and the terrifying.
I'm taking hold of - even the hem- of His presence.
It's all that's worth living for anyways.
Press in momma.
And press on, today, by getting ahold of Jesus.