Kids make a mess. Whatever they touch ends up on my table, the countertops, the sofa. I just yell "wash your hands!" at least 1,000 times a day.
This month our pastor has been preaching on being content. It's funny, and also somewhat ironic, that last month our family focused on the virtue of being content. (We cycle a set of virtues, and focus on one a month!) When the "Kids Club" classroom was unexpectedly closed the first week of the series, my girls chuckled as Pastor described what being content looks like to the adults in the service. My five and seven year old girls knew more than the congregation at that point. They can quote a verse to tell you what the Bible says regarding the virtue. They know what it means. They also know how to use it. But only because they've practiced, and got themselves elbow deep into it! It brings me to the question though, of are we giving our children the room to learn how to be content? As adults, I think we've skewed the meaning of the concept. We like to think, say, pretend that we are content. But in fact, we make excuses for the character trait because of our lack. For example, I'd like to think I'm content in most things. I love where I live, I don't complain about my "job", I hardly purchase new clothes or shoes or accessories for myself. But my girls quickly pointed out my discontent for regular coffee! I have coffee at home, a coffee pot at home, mugs at home, creamer, sugar, milk- even whipped cream! But for some reason I would rather a Starbucks handcrafted latté. Perhaps it's the disposable white paper cup, stamped with that pretty green Siren. Maybe it's because it's made by someone else, and I enjoy being served in a self-helped world. I'm not really sure. But I will gladly admit the vice that is Starbucks over my own coffee any day. I don't need the Starbucks coffee. In fact I could and probably should do without it. But what's the harm in a luxurious coffee? There isn't any. Unless of course it demands more of my focus than that of the Creator of all things. I think we've made exceptions for ourselves. But we've done so, and also trickled the effects down to our children. We don't allow them room to become content, or to learn the ways of a content heart, because we create the excuses for them, before they know their own abilities. For example: food groups. I can't tell you how many times I've heard parents before me say "my kids are very picky eaters!" And then they go on apologizing. But what I've observed is parents who are picky eaters, making excuses for their children, in an effort to not hold themselves accountable. Because if mom and dad tried the broccoli, and liked it, chances are the kids would try the broccoli and like it as well. I can easily say this, because in our house, trying new foods is a joy for me, and a mandate for our kids. As with the current generation of parents, with gluten intolerances, and allergies galore, we've embraced new food groups and fed them likewise to our children. Honestly, that was a "fight" of yester-year, to not have tried new foods. But there go the parents, excusing their own behavior, by limiting the behavior of their children. The kids never had a chance to try and honestly like or dislike the food! So maybe food isn't your vice to the virtue of being content. But maybe it's whining and complaining. We go out of our way to see that our kids don't whine. We buy special cups with fancy characters, we give them the "purple plate" because that's the one they "have to have", we buy fancy traveling accessories, and outfits, and for goodness sake "leashes" for our children. (PS- I'm honestly not trying to shame you if you've done this. We all have. Myself included!) We argue that our kids would whine, or complain, or fight, or argue, or run away if we didn't have such things. But there we go, making excuses, before we've ever given them the opportunity to grow into the morally-able children they ought to be becoming. It's our job to train them to not whine. To understand that they can survive- or merely be content- with whatever plate, cup, shirt, or toy they have, or don't have. I think really, we are making excuses for our parenting. If I blame my child for the lack of contentment, then it presents itself as appropriate behavior, because children, by default, are not content. When really, it's us- the adults- who aren't being disciplined enough to train our kids (because the task of discipline is not always easy and fun!) making excuses for ourselves. But under the guise of "childishness" the behavior seems appropriate. When really, we are breeding discontentment. Fostering disobedience. Cultivating self-entitled members of society for the next generation. We wonder where the world has "gone wrong" because of the evil we see all around us. But the truth is, the blame is at our front doors. Crouching, like sin, to devour us. It's time we instilled value and morality back into society. And it comes by way of virtuous living - all within our homes. Quit making excuses for your kids. They're more able than we give them credit. I find that when I take just a few minutes each day to instill the concept of value into their little hearts, they soak it up and spread it around, like they do with all the other things they get their hands into. It's what kids do. And instead of giving them bad attitudes, germs, sticky messes- why not give them kindness, contentedness, and righteousness for a change?
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AuthorBri is the mom to four little people, the wife to a gentle giant, and a lover of Jesus. She's figuring out the best ways to parent by trial and error, and sharing her struggles, successes, and stories with you! Archives
June 2018
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